The One Where I Realize How Much I Suck

Sometimes I forget how far I've come.

I mean, not just about losing weight, although that is still a significant event itself. I mean in terms of my outlook on life, and healthy living, and exercise, and eating. I wouldn't say it's been a complete 180 but definitely close.

18 months ago, I wouldn't have guessed I would be working out as much as I do. I would never have even given a thought to doing a triathlon, let alone 2, let alone getting a coach for next season. If you'd told me that I would fall in love with Olympic lifting I would have stared at you blankly, especially if you'd mentioned the word 'snatch'.

I've been thinking about goals and where I want to go with both CrossFit and triathlons. With tris it's easy – get better. I need to improve all aspects of the sport before I can really truly see what I'm capable of. But regardless I love it just the same, and I know I can get better, and I will.

With CrossFit it's different. I am deeply, unabashedly in love with CrossFit. Without it I know I wouldn't be where I am today, and as cheesy as it sounds it really did change my life. I doubt i would have ever tried running, or triathlons, without the courage and faith in myself that I've developed through CrossFit. Cheesy, sappy, kool-aid driven, whatever – I love it.

So it's hard for me to admit that I suck at it. Now no need to boost my ego by telling me I don't (although telling me I'm awesome will earn you some brownie points) because I know I do. I'm not good at a lot of aspects of CrossFit and I just don't anticipate getting better. I don't improve as quickly as a lot of others at my gym. My times are slower, the weights are lighter, and I really, really am no good at gymnastics movements.

So there's that. It's hard to set goals for things that I'm horrible at. It's not like triathlon, where i know i can improve but have no delusions of ever standing on the podium. I want so badly to be good at CrossFit but I'm just – not. It's hard to sit back and watch others, so easily, do the things that I struggle with on a daily basis.

But then I still have to remember how far I've come.

And I have to remember to stop comparing myself with others.

I need to remember the things I am good at.

But it's hard sometimes, to remember.


I Just Want to SWIM

Today has been one fitness disaster after another.


I had a swim on the agenda today, and after figuring out a nice, easy workout to get me started, I headed over to the pool.  If you recall from last time, I had issues with the lanes not being set up and the pool full of people not lane swimming.  But this time, I thought, I was prepared.  There was ONLY lane swim available at this time, no family swim, no leisure swim. So to the pool I went.

Apparently, lane swim only still means only one lane set up (with 2 people already swimming in it) and the rest of the pool full of people floating on pool noodles. So I left. And wrote a complaint to the recreation department of the city, also asking how I could better approach the situation.

I came home and decided that, after some lunch, I would head out for a run.  Immediately I heard a clap of thunder, and then another, and then the skies opened up.  So much for that idea.

In my grumpy state I basically wrote today off, fitness wise, and proceeded to have a nap while watching HGTV with Scout on the couch. When I woke up the sky was clearing and the sun was peaking through the clouds.  Ok, maybe today isn’t so bad after all.  I did some chores around the house, and now the sun is out, the air is the perfect run temperature, and I’m dressed and ready to go.  Oh I’m also going to a different community pool tonight, where they have more lanes, and I doubt many people will be just floating in the pool at 9 pm. Let’s hope so, anyway.

So my double workout day has (hopefully) been saved.  I could have just as easily stayed on the couch all day and wallowed in my own self pity (which I am wont to do from time to time) but gave myself a swift kick in the ass to motivate myself out the door. I know I’ll feel better, and as they say, you never regret a workout. (I always say you never regret a nap…or chocolate)

How do you motivate yourself when you don’t feel like working out?

(and yes I realize wont is  3rd person but I like it and I’m using it in this context)